Well, I haven't felt like posting in a while. My last post was just a mess of emotions boiling over. I haven't really talked to anyone lately, I just decided keeping to myself was the best idea for keeping sanity!
I went away over the weekend to my home town and stayed with my mom. I hadn't seen her in a couple months. We've always had a strange relationship, but no matter how much I say I don't need her it's obvious I do. She's my mom, my best friend! She didn't really know a whole lot about my IF problem. She also didn't know I was TTC, last she knew I was content with not having children. So of course it came as a shock to her that I was such a wreck about having POF now. She said she is set on finding me a good Dr. up in Northern Ohio (where I am from) because I am having trouble down here. The OBGYN that gave me the stats on POF did recommend a RE, but my insurance ran out before I could get to see her. So maybe as soon as I get my new insurance I will go back in and try to see her, though I owe the office some money. So I'm not sure when I will see a RE. I've only talked to one through this whole process and ended up with the same sad story as everyone else. Medical professionals can be so cold sometimes. You would think someone dealing with patients suffering from IF would have more of a heart. Guess not.
I've been taking that DHEA now for almost a month. I haven't noticed side effects but then hubby says I am really irritable since taking it, but I can't say that has anymore to do with DHEA than it does my overall quality of life right now. I have been noticing I started breaking out, which is something I have never had to deal with in my life. My skin has always been perfect. So I don't really know if it's doing anything good for me or if it is making me feel worse. I am going to give it more time,
Sometimes I wonder if I really have POF, there are symptoms I have that I've never read about anyone else having. Then I get scared because the alternatives aren't great either and I know some of these things are not at all an option for what's wrong (specifically STD's). I constantly feel pressure in my lower abdomen, I always say it's my ovaries letting me know they hate me lol. Sometimes I experience sharp pains in my vagina. Someone told me to look into PID (pelvic inflammatory disease) but it is commonly caused by a bacterial STD like gonorrhea and chlamydia and I have never had either of those. My ultrasounds have never shown and cysts, and honestly I just can't figure it out. It kinda feels like period pains, cramps and the sharp jabs I used to get during my menstrual cycle. But I never have a period, and I've never really noticed any pattern or regularity with the pain, it's kind of all the time. Suppose I need to discuss this with the doctor when I go. Ovarian cancer runs in my family, and lots of other ovarian related issues, my poor family got the shit end of that stick. It makes me nervous. I just don't want to deal with any more heartless doctors. That's half the reason I played it off like I didn't want kids, because the struggle to conceive while having to deal with asshole doctors just sounds miserable.
Oh well.
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