Started an unexpected fight with hubby tonight and then took off on a drive. I've lived in this part of Ohio for a few years but I honestly don't know my way around so needless to say I got lost on my drive in the country. Smart move. The truth is, I want nothing to do with anyone right now. I just want to run away.
Late after the baby shower when I was trying to sleep I ended up just laying there crying. I wanted hubby to know something was wrong and just walk in and save me. Stupid right? I don't want to have to say something is wrong because I simply don't want to say the words "I just want a damn baby!" In my head I was screaming profanity at 'God' and all I could do was cry for hours it seemed and hubby never knew. Maybe tonight that's why I got angrier than I normally would have when he says dumb guy stuff lol. That's a total crazy woman thing to do. Whatever
I'm writing this from the parking lot of a gas station I managed to find in the middle of no where. I know how to get home from here ...I just don't feel like going back yet. I made an ass of myself and he doesn't even know why I am so upset these last couple weeks. I had told him my friends baby shower was going to be depressing for me, his answer was to just not go then. I told him id be fine, just a little sad, so I was too embarrassed to really tell him how I felt. Worst part about all of this, I don't give him the chance to show how supportive he is, I just assume he wont know what to say to help me and keep it to myself. He's a great man, but has very little experience with relationships and sometimes I just don't give him enough credit.
Bleh, I wish I wasn't so crazy. Does this ever get any easier? Wow
I love that I understand each and every feeling that you are going through, because I am going through the same...plus, added guilt that my number one may never have a sibling to play with :(
ReplyDeleteBest wishes for you!