I'm sure I'm not alone in this, and if I am that's okay I will share it anyways. About every 3-6 months I buy a pregnancy test and take it, of course getting the same sad result. I used to brush it off a little, because a positive would mean way scarier things than a negative. Motherhood, giving up my freedom, no more late nights out, no drinking, smoking, "living large" Ha! Living large in central Ohio, not possible. I'm not even near the big central cities- nope the closest place to me is Marion Ohio, and it's a junky town.
Anyhow,
Today was one of those pregnancy test days. One of the first times I literally wanted it to be positive with no second thoughts about how scary life would be if it were. I had a dream last night about being pregnant, like full blown going into labor soon pregnant. I woke up feeling so satisfied with life, until I realized it was all a dream. This goes without saying but, I did get a BFN, obviously.
In my family we used to do this "ring test" thingy where you would tie a piece of string to a wedding band and hang it over your belly and it would tell you how many and what gender your kids will be. It has always been eerily correct for my family. It even counted miscarriages; and even more strange my mom raised my nephew for a while and it counted him as her fourth child. It had always done 3 girls for her (me and my two older sisters) then randomly after she started raising him it said 3 girls, 1 boy! Weird right?
Know what my ring test says? 4 kids! 2 girls and 2 boys. I hate to tell this dumb ring thing, but it can't possibly be right for me lol. A) I don't want that many children. I would be perfectly content with only 1, maybe 2. But certainly not 4. And B) I'm already 25 with no sign of improving my fertility. People with POF are extremely lucky to have 1, let alone any more than that. So yes ring test, you have been proven a fake! Even if you were spot on for everyone else!
I see people content with going the DE route, I could never do that. Not because I am against raising a child not biologically my own, but because there are so many children out there already that need homes. Adoption would be my preferred method if all else fails. I would love the feeling of being pregnant, but I feel like I'd love the feeling of being a mom more, and that can be achieved through adoption. If I am going to raise a child not genetically mine, I'd want it to be one who absolutely needs a forever home and isn't the desirable age to adopt. I'm talking like 6 years old and up. A challenge, but one I'd take on full force. Even if I do conceive ever, I honestly think I would adopt later down the road anyhow. So maybe that's my 4 kids huh? lol
Time for work.
Good day vibes!
I hope
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