hubby dropped a bomb on me this week.

well I skipped the provera this month and while I feel like AF could happen on it's own I'm not really sure. It worked both months I took it, like clock work- 3 days after stopping the 10 day supply I started. But I really hate how they make me feel. I'm honestly not used to the hormones of a monthly. I mean, I have mood swings all the time, but AF makes me a crazy woman lol. Poor hubby can't even handle me! I'm not supposed to go back to the OB for another couple of months- but I've been wanting to talk to her about trying Clomid, even if i dont expect it to work. she mentioned it to me last time i was there. I've experiencing a lot of pain in my right pelvic/ovary area. I'm assuming it's a cyst, thats what it feels like to me. I just hate not having a normal functional reproductive system...it's just such a hassle. Life in general is a pain in the ass!
I changed jobs again for the millionth time this year...thats basically why I didn't take the provera- I wanted to avoid a period this month with all of the changes, I just wasn't feeling it lol! With my luck I will have one anyhow! I was doing really well, not really thinking about having a baby, not obsessing about my broken lady parts...just living. That is until 2 days ago- hubby said he doesn't want kids anymore. That broke my heart! I don't know when him and I got on different pages. It's like we aren't even in the same universe! He says it's just not important to him anymore and that after all the waiting around he's decided it's for the best...he doesn't want to be a dad. All I have ever wanted was to be a mom. there were plenty of times I said I didn't want them because it was just easier than admitting I couldn't have them. But damn- I've always dreamt about being a mom. Of course in my dreams it's a beautiful little baby girl with dark curly hair and big brown eyes, but I'd take an adorable little boy too! I cried that night, thinking that I failed as a woman- that I made him have to wait so long to be a dad that he just stopped caring.
I just feel really defeated right now :/