intruduction to my broken parts

I recently stumbled across this blog while doing some Google searches. After finding it, reading every single heart felt post, and literally crying for hours (I cried when I read it, cried when I thought about reading it,and cried when I saw her baby bump) I decided I needed to write my own- whether anyone read it or not it would make me feel better! Maybe...I can assure you this post will end up being way too long. Sorry :)

Background:
I am 25 years old, I've been married now for almost 6 months.
My husband is 29.
We live in some miserable small town in Ohio,
I am currently a late bloomer on the attending college front, which is stressing me out!

&& to get to the point behind me writing this blog; I have POF (premature ovarian failure). My case is strange to say the least. On my own I have determined I have always had POF, from day 1. I know that sounds dramatic, but it just makes since to me.

Background of broken lady parts:
***This will get graphic, I apologize in advance***
Aunt flow first visited me in 4th grade, actually on my birthday that year. (I really can't remember my age but it was too young I'll tell ya that!) I had been educated on monthly cycles and all that fun jazz about being a girl. My mom told me her story about being hit with a softball and then starting her period the next day and being scared the softball had done damage to her internally (so cute, my mom!) So I expected it to be a little "scary". That didn't even begin to explain my first period. More like terrifying, horrific, mortifying! I told no one about it because it just didn't seem normal to me and I was embarrassed.

Here is the nitty gritty.... My first period lasted 10 days. I was in constant agonizing pain, and the heaviness of this flow was just beyond anything I had imagined. It was like a horror movie, like someone had literally stabbed my vagina and I was gushing from the stab wound. I promise you (sorry) there were blood clots the size of quarters, I'd wipe myself after using the restroom and I'd have blood all over my hands. I was in 4th grade!!!!! This was awful. Then, after those 10 days, I did not have another period until exactly 1 year later. And it was exactly the same. Through my youth they got a little more regulated but not really, and they consistently were heavy heavy heavy! Eventually I was on BC, which helped a whole lot. I never told anyone there was something wrong until I was 17 or so, and mom and I assumed I had PCOS. I had my first ultrasound of my ovaries at 18. My ovaries had no cysts to my surprise, but were very tiny. I heard nothing about my follicles at that time. I brushed it off and kept on my normal BC for a few years.

My point, POF since day 1, seems a little more reasonable after that story I think. Here I am at 25, (diagnosed at 23 btw) thinking "maybe if I had done something sooner...baby would be here." But honestly, with my history, I don't see that as being true. I believe out of the 5-10% chance of conceiving naturally, mine is negative 100%. That never bothered me until recently. Everyone.is.having.a.damn.baby.BUT.ME. I've started to lose the grip I thought I had on my emotions at this point. Hence this blog. I might just write two times a day, who knows. I suppose this is all for now though.