I just thought it might be a good time for a small update for anyone that read my last meltdown of a post lol! Life certainly isn't the way I want it to be, but it's looking up slightly. As summer comes to an end I am reminded that my 2 year wedding anniversary is coming up. This time last year hubby and I were preparing for the same trip, a horror movie convention lol! Yes, this is how we celebrated our anniversary- a weekend away, a nice hotel, relaxing, drinking, having a great time. During that weekend I had pledged to myself that I would let the baby obsession go for a while...the whole time I was doing the complete opposite- I was thinking how amazing it would be to conceive on our anniversary weekend lol. Obviously that didn't happen, and here we are nearing that time again. I asked myself if I thought I could ever let this go. I want to be care free, somehow I feel like once I stop freaking myself out things will fall into place. I asked myself something else- were hubby and I even strong enough to be parents yet? Were we stable enough in life to create and care for another precious brands nee life? Emotionally I am there, 100%. Physically I'm not in the best shape. I finally got my thyroid in order, but I certainly dont take good care of myself. Financially we're not struggling right now, but we dont have a lot of extras. But even that doesn't concern me...what I really think needs to happen is us getting a house. Maybe I am being traditional and sentimental right now because I'm feeling pretty old this week lol!! Either way, I just know I see things falling into place a certain way and I feel like I'd be fooling myself if I said I didn't want the American dream.
anyhow... I had a Dr appointment today, basically it was just to see how my body was reacting to the Provera. I had a period every time I took it, but didn't have any without it. Clearly it's going to be that way forever. The Dr is still set on thinking that I have pcos. I'm not sure I believe that or not- but regardless of that we're going about treatment like that's the issue. Today she told me she would call me in a prescription for Clomid- she said if I took it she wanted me back in 3 months, and if i chickened out then I didn't have to come in for 6 months lol...she said hopefully she would be seeing me sooner than the 3 months because it worked. Well silly me being the crazed woman I am; I went to pick the clomid up instantly and for whatever reason they only filled the provera. This was me being superstitious -but I took it as a sign it won't work haha! I can laugh about it, but lord knows I am going to lose it when this doesn't work. She mentioned the risk of multiples and I told her I would gladly take that challenge on! I would for sure welcome two babies when I never expected one...but that is besides the point.
I want this to work...
I'm going to call the pharmacy tomorrow and see if the clomid wasn't called in or something.
&& then I'm going to try this, I'm going to give in and risk completely failing. This will be my first time actually trying a fertility treatment of any type. I have always tried diet, supplements and other things- that was never this scary. I dont know why it feels so different now. I just can't let myself get my hopes up. So many women don't benefit from using provera and clomid. I dont want to just be another statistic.
