Okay, not that anyone noticed I was gone lol! But I decided just to post again. I couldn't stay away forever. I started a new job, it's crazy and I really don't know if I am going to be able to catch on- I've never had so much trouble focusing on a job before, kinda stinks! The worst part of leaving my old job- not getting to spend the time with the friends I made there. My god son was born and I still haven't seen him. Part of me is simply alright with this, and the other part is devastated! He is the cutest little baby boy I've seen since my nephew was born back in 1999! lol I've just been so busy with my new job, and her and I keep different schedules now, it's been hard to make it over to see them.
At my new job a friend of mine that I've known for 5 years or so is currently pregnant. I can't wait for her to have the baby! She is only 16 weeks so there's a long wait lol! I've gotten to the point that I am no longer a bitter hag about other women getting pregnant- it's not their fault I am infertile! I'm happy for them, truly! It's a blessing to have a child, and I wouldn't want that taken away from someone, I know how it feels. So for now I am content and happy for my wonderful friends that are new mothers, and mothers to be!
Hubby has moved on from the idea of children to something else now. Not sure what he's focusing his time on, but he hasn't brought it up to me once. Maybe he is just being distant about it because I had a mild meltdown (lol wow!) or maybe he really just doesn't care about the subject anymore. Either way is fine honestly, if he has decided he no longer wants children then I guess he is a lucky man because I certainly show no improvements on the matter.
I stopped taking the DHEA a long time ago, then randomly yesterday I started taking it again. I don't know why, I literally hadn't even considered taking it again, I was going to dispose of them. Then I got a sudden urge to start up on my two a day regimen again. I am simply not ready to let go 100%, I'm not ready to just stop thinking about it, and trying little things that may help me. I'm not willing to focus all of my attention onto this problem anymore, in fact I am only willing to give it about 5-10% of my brain space lol! Do I still want it badly? Absolutely! You don't just turn that on and off, no matter how hard you try. But life isn't stopping because my ovarian functioning is shit, it keeps going despite all of that- and I need to keep going right along with it.
